I enjoy teaching – mostly from the clinging hope that I inspire a child.  It staggers the imagination that their experience with me may also strengthen their resolve to be the next great leader, inventor, artist or patron.  

I received such inspiration throughout my childhood.  My parents introduced me to family and friends who could be such positive influences.  While neither was an artist per se, they found the right direction to keep me encouraged.  In the spirit of paying it forward, many of my posts to this blog should serve as advice and direction to other parents seeking the way.

But still there are folks who just don’t get it.  Sadder still are those who think they do and are horribly misinformed.  Encounters with those people are painful.

Case in point – I recently taught a class in abstract expressionism, focusing on Jackson Pollock.  If you know anything about him and his work, you know to explore the medium requires paint clothes.  I planned a version using large sheets of paper and crayons.  

The experience was still filled with energy, music, and little dancing artists.  The lines were expressive, uninhibited and everyone had a great time.   Even more encouraging was that they all understood the idea!

Then the parents showed up. 

“I paid $(class fee) for scribbles on paper?”

“What is this?”

Or the neutral “That’s nice.  No, you can’t put that up anywhere.”

The children’s faces were like a needle scratching across a record.  In one fell swoop the entire lesson and its inspiring message were destroyed.  Now the children were a product of their parents and some even looked at their artwork with disdain.

From a customer service perspective I wanted everyone to be happy.  That was impossible.  Regardless of the scant (and not profitable – we don’t see kids as dollar signs) fee they paid, they expected greatness.

From an educators perspective, I wanted to enlighten.  Their minds were closed and locked.  Regardless of the preceding hour and the creative ride they experienced, they were now “leaving the park.”

From a parent’s perspective, I wanted to nurture (or maybe re-nurture in this case.)  With what time?  A bad teacher can impact a student negatively for up to 4 years.  How much more can a bad parent?

It begs the question, what does such a person expect?  What do they understand?  Do you judge the penmanship of your child’s math homework as well or just check for the right answer?  It is the experience and the education – NOT the perceived value of the result. 

In short, judgements need not apply here.  Your child is not going to create master-level work in 45 minutes!

But in the face of such ignorance, I carried on.  I exercised “verbal judo” and responded confidently – and without interest in their opinions or asking for further feedback.  I stood in my role to enrich the child’s life with the class and I was successful.  I would not be a control freak beyond the experience.

I share this painful experience because I’m sure many of you have had a similar experience.  The spirit of creation takes a black eye and you can hardly believe what you’re hearing.  In the fragile ecosystem of art it’s enough to make many admit defeat.

But I also offer encouragement to you.  Great and successful people in all walks of life have similar encounters.  What makes them great and successful is the will to continue.  Know that you are in a minority and that in itself if rare and special. 

Maintain your tenacity and this too will be relegated to a memory with influence but not to incapacitate – to motivate.

We’re in the middle of the holiday season, which is filled with great celebration and everything that goes with it - glad tidings, lights and music – in short willful efforts to focus on something greater than what the weather tells us.  But the calendar holds a darker, colder, celebration-short period just around the corner.

So this comes a little pre-emptive but for a good reason.  Patterns of behavior, like the seasons, can be predictable.  When you can recognize them, you can also put into context and deal with the feelings they bring.  For this post, I’m speaking of “cabin fever” – it’s a similar beast to seasonal depression, and one you can overcome!

For starters, let’s simplify the concept.  I doubt any of you are actually trapped in a cabin for weeks on end with nothing to do.  How many of you actually even live in the woods?

And even if you are cubicle-confined, with the pace of business these days are you really short of something to do?

So it really is a matter of undermining the tradition, cycle or habit that you may be perpetuating for no good reason.  Sometimes a bad pattern or habit can be supplanted with a good one.  Here are some examples that advocate listening to your instincts, body, or a sensitivity to the environment:

1) Are you bored?  Maybe your tasks are out of order.  Arrange them so that you always have something to look forward to.  Follow monotony with a challenge, and drudgery with reward.

2) Are you distracted?  It might be time for a coffee break.  Focus can wane simply from low blood sugar, dehydration, or inactivity. 

3) Are you depressed?  Brighten up!  If the sun is shining, let it in!  If your wardrobe is dull, inject some color.  If it’s too quiet, play some good background music. 

4) Are you “running in circles?”  Change the venue.  A definition of insanity is to do the same thing and expect different results.  You may not be the personality type who works best in your current configuration.  Or it could simply be a matter of looking at things from a new perspective.

5) Are you “hitting the wall?”  I find that fatigue doesn’t come with a warning.  It just shows up.  You need to maintain a healthy balance of sleep, nutrition, hydration and FUN.  You can’t work hard and not rest hard.  A balanced person is a productive person.

6) Are you just uninspired?  Don’t be afraid to think-out-loud to a confidant.  In fact, establish a different sounding board for various issues.  I have several people who I can count on for a specific perspective.  If you find it all in one person, consider yourself lucky!

The symptoms and prescriptions may also be interchangeable, but the pattern of behavior should be the same.  Begin the habit of addressing and overcoming the source of your symptoms.  Don’t just accept them.

Seek to understand first and be understood second.  I’m paraphrasing a great quote that advises the path to quality communication.  It’s good direction for business, personal, even casual interactions.  When you find someone interesting, they’re obliged to return the favor.  Some who feel uncomfortable talking about themselves may even let you dominate the conversation.

But if the opposite exists, does this mean that you can’t follow your own agenda for the meeting?

In addressing just business interactions here, it’s still a tricky social game and there are many rules of engagement.  You want to show respect without allowing for too many tangents.  You don’t want to be the Everyman but you do hope to grow more opportunities.  You need to demonstrate your character without overdoing it.

In my experience, developing a sense for people can be seen as a talent or a skill, but one that requires honing nonetheless.  I’ve never met a good salesperson who didn’t start out rough, awkward and green.  Everyone has to pay their dues, but is there an economy plan?

Indeed there are some shortcuts.

1) Understand their needs.  They’ve obviously agreed to discuss a particular interest with you.  Respect the interest for what it is and don’t try and overwhelm them with options.  I’ve seen too many a salesperson derail their own opportunity by diverting the interest (and thereby, the sale)

2) Be prepared.  Pretend they know nothing and have more questions than you’ve ever fielded.  If you’re informed, you’ll impress.

3) Give-and-take.  Ask a question about their goals when they have a question about implementing your service or product.  You may find that there are other applications they don’t know about – or that a different option is in their best interests.

4)  Be them.  Pretend that the roles are reversed.  It’s the Golden Rule in sales.  Perception is a powerful thing and you want to convince them you’re genuine.  The best way?  Be genuine! 

With every interaction, as with every game, there is a winner and a loser.  While losing may be their losing their budget to your options, it can also be your options not being what they need.  As long as you maintain your character and integrity, there will be more opportunities to replace those that failed to blossom.

Call me a rebel, but when it comes to gifts, I believe it really is “the thought that counts.” With the struggling economy, perhaps we should all focus a little less on materials and more on making memories.

Some of the greatest memories I have of the holidays had little-to-nothing to do with purchasing. I cherished the classic Christmas music playing throughout the house, helping my mom decorate (she was so particular about the way the tinsel lay on the tree!) and especially helping make cookies!

When it comes to making a similar impact on your children, there are several timeless directions to consider:

1) Snow-flake-a-rama! How easy and low-mess to create paper snow flakes. Use colored construction paper for a fun twist that can fit with your décor.  Fold, snip and discover. It nurtures a child’s curiosity, creativity and provides quick results. Fill up the house for a few bucks in paper and a pair of scissors.

2) DOUGH! Even if you’re not a fan of baking, grab a few tubes of pre-made cookie dough and see what happens. You don’t have to use cookie cutters – older children and a butter knife can make for some fun results. Younger chefs can even sculpt an original. Whether you cook up the products or just video tape the experience, you’ll be amazed at what your child thinks up. Don’t forget the colored sprinkles!

3) Time capsule: You may think you take enough photos/video/scrapbook material but how many do you actually save or print? Record your child’s thoughts about the holidays, even record them or just their voice in a mock interview. While you may find it commonplace now, that innocent perspective will be priceless to you and them in years to come. Make it an annual tradition and let it grow to include eventual spouses and grandchildren.

4) Remember where you came from: For your parents or even grandparents, compose a list of what you valued most about the holidays with them. They’ll be surprised at some of the things that made an impact. Use parchment paper, write in calligraphy, put a hand print on it – whatever makes it special and “frame-worthy.” At their age, they’ll appreciate it much more than “just something else to dust.”

As an artist, I’m sensitive to pluralism – or at least the duality of many things.  This year has sped by and yet is far from over;  We are a society that maintains a certain conservatism and yet is also very expressive;  There is seldom a question about what we as individuals love and yet it is not always made obvious.

From just these 3 examples, I apply an awareness of the season as it approaches.  It is such a beautiful time of year and one that elicits powerful emotions and passionate beliefs.  Unfortunately, it can also be quickly corrupted by commercialism, ignorance, and ego.

Regardless of your convictions, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we acted deliberately, reflectively, and respectfully as we savored the holidays?  I witness many who celebrate a tradition of setting aside petty differences, show a little more courtesy, and spread good will.  How powerful if that tradition extended beyond a 2 month period!

While I’m sure I’m not the first to extol this perspective, I can hope that my voice will be added to the collective, and have a ripple effect. 

You too can be a part of such a movement, and I hope that this holiday season brings you and yours peace and joy.